If you’re like me and get discouraged sometimes wondering if you are really a good mom, then this is for you. My answers may surprise you 🙂
#1 Good Moms Wonder If They Are Bad Moms
Being a mom is hard. Like real hard sometimes.
Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m a good mom. Even now. I’ll have a bad day all too often, and in my discouragement I think, “Am I really even making a difference? Do these kids even learn anything from me?” I can tell them something 20 times and I still feel like they don’t hear me.
I get to the point where I think maybe I’m screwing them up more than anything else.
One of the many things I’ve learned over the 18 years and counting that I’ve been a mom is that even good moms make a ton of mistakes. A ton. I don’t always have saint like patience and sometimes I yell more than I want to. I jump to conclusions and get upset right away before thinking. Sometimes I’m not consistent. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Some days I’m too tired to give baths. I actually hate cooking supper and sometimes I refuse to. I get busy and don’t play with the little ones as much as I’d like. Then I start to wonder if all of that will have negative impact on my kids and I start to get scared that I will somehow forever scar them….
But you know what?! That is how EVERY GOOD MOM feels sometimes. The fact that I care so deeply about how my parenting is affecting my children is one way I can tell that I AM a good mom. If I didn’t care, didn’t think about it, if I didn’t try to do better everyday. If I never got discouraged because I didn’t care enough to, I think that would mean I wasn’t a great mom.
“THE VERY FACT THAT YOU WORRY ABOUT BEING A GOOD MOM MEANS THAT YOU ALREADY ARE ONE.”-Unknown
#2 Your Kids Get Mad At You
I’m sorry but you can not be a good mom if your child NEVER gets mad at you.
” I want 2 cookies before supper.” “Sorry, you cant have snacks before supper.” ” I don’t like you anymore!”
“Come do your chores.” “Do I have to do it tonight?” “yes you do!” “Ugh you’re mean! Why cant you leave me alone!”
“Put the tablet away now.” “I don’t want to!” “It’s time for school!” “You’re not my best friend anymore!”
“Can I hang out with my friends this weekend?” “No, you’re grounded for lying to me the other day about being at work when you were really at your friends house.” “UGH, why do you never let me do anything!!”
” Come sit on the potty” “NOOOO” “Please?” “You’re so rude!!”
I’ve heard all of these just this week haha. Its our responsibility as mothers to set healthy boundaries for our kids. We are not their friend, we are their mom. We need to teach them acceptable behavior. Behavior that will get them through life. If you haven’t figured it out already, most of the time they aren’t going to like it, but that’s ok. Next time you have a “I hate you mom! ” hurled at you out of nowhere, rest assured you’re good mom.
#3 Good Moms Are Selfish Sometimes
By selfish I mean, they take some time for themselves. Good moms know that in order to be a good mom they need to recharge their batteries so they can give their best self to their kids.
I’m not saying that its ok go to go out every night with your friends or do whatever you want whenever you want. A good mom also knows how to prioritize and always puts their kids needs first.
If my child is sick and needs me I’m going to have to cancel my dinner with friends. That’s just how it is, But when your child’s needs are meet there is no reason why you cant take some time just for you, ALONE! Good moms know that and they need a break once and awhile, and they give their selves permission to do that.
I used to think that I couldn’t do anything alone and that if I took time to go out with friends for a dinner or go to get a pedicure that I was being too selfish. But I quickly ran myself so far into exhaustion and stress that I got depressed.
If you’re driving your car with little gas, you will begin to run on fumes and then you will come to a complete stop when the gas runs out. In order to go anywhere else you need to put more gas in your tank. We all know that. Well, think of yourself the same way. You have a tank that needs refilled when its running low or you’re going to come to a complete stop. For me that stop was depression.
I had been giving everything I had to my kids and not putting anything back in my tank, So it ran out! Luckily that hasn’t happened to me for quite sometime because I allow myself to refill my tank without guilt of feeling that its too selfish. I am usually able to figure out when I’m getting low and I make the necessary arrangements to refill my tank before I reach empty. I have me time, even if its just taking a long bath alone or going to the store alone. Its a much needed break and Good moms know they need it 🙂
#4 Good Moms Don’t Share Everything With Their Kids
That may seem rude, but I think its perfectly acceptable and needed.
Let me explain in a short true story taken from my life.
A couple years ago I bought expensive face wash and moisturizer for the first time. I had never before shelled out alot of money for my skin care but I found a product I really liked and decided to go for it.
Not long after getting it and using it for a month or 2 I noticed my moisturizer had disappeared from the bathroom. I knew I didn’t move it and couldn’t imagine where it had went.
Then I went to my girls room and found out. There was my precious bottle of moisturizer on my oldest daughters dresser. I was aggravated but tried to relax and took it back to the bathroom. I squirted some out an immediately recognized that it was NOT my moisturizer in my moisturizer bottle. My daughter had dumped my expensive moisturizer down the drain and replaced it with her cheap moisturizer because she liked the bottle!!!
Words can not describe how mad I was, It was only slightly surpassed by the time when that same daughter took all my good makeup to school with her without asking and I had no idea until I started getting ready for work and discovered my makeup was all gone!! I had nothing to put on for work! Later I found out her and all her friends used it, including my eyeliner!!!
That was it , I decided that was not ok, My stuff is not just everyone’s to do with what they will. Im allowed to have some stuff that’s mine and only mine. It makes me feel good, its how I pamper myself.
So as you can see below I had my husband install a lock on my makeup cabinet and I keep everything that I don’t want them to touch in there, under lock and key. Well until my 3 year old lost the key, but I’m going to buy a new lock asap haha.
Good moms know its ok to have some sacred makeup, or face moisturizer, or chocolate hidden away that’s only theirs. It’s a little bit of pampering we deserve!
#5 A Good Mom Encourages Her Kids
A Good mom knows its important to encourage and uplift her kids.
I always try to encourage and compliment my kids whenever I see a possibility. I think its super important that they build self confidence. Encouraging them often helps them do that. I let them know I’m in their corner, I believe in them and I’m proud of them, even when they make mistakes.
Its important that kids know they are loved, and that someone believes in them and their dreams. A good mom tells her kids that she loves them often. Her words and actions show them that they are loved, appreciated , valued and respected. And that’s what’s most important. 🙂
If you fall under any of these categories, you can know that you’re a good mom.
I’ve had a lot of experience with all kinds of baby and kid products. Over the years I’ve found things I really liked and things I could live without. Here are just a few things I love. It was hard to narrow it down to only 10 but maybe I’ll do another post later 🙂
#1 Baby Tula Blankets
This one is great for babies, kids and even adults. Yes I said adults!! These blankets are the SOFTEST blankets I have ever felt. They are thin enough to not be too hot but thick enough to be warm in the winter. And they are breathable!! Baby Tula makes them and you can get them here under the “Blankets” Section. They have a ton of other great products too! We will talk about another one of their products that I love later on in this post.
First of all let’s talk about the material. They are 100% viscose from bamboo. This stuff is so soft! Softer than any other bamboo swaddle I have ever felt. Its also thicker too.
They offer sets and singles. They have 2 different sizes, a baby/kid size which is the only size available in the sets. They sell singles of these as well. The baby/kids size measures 47″x 47″
Then there is an adult size only available in the single version. This size is called a Cuddle Me! The adult sized Cuddle Me measures a whooping 59″ x 79″. That’s big enough to cover a twin bed!
I own an undisclosed number of the baby size and sets and 1 Cuddle Me. Let me tell you I LOVE them all!! I love my Cuddle Me. It’s so soft I use it everyday! I use the baby/kid size ones everyday too! They are perfect for swaddling. Like all mothers I wanted only the softest cutest blanket for my newborn. I’ve tried so many breathable swaddle blankets (Aden & Anais included) and this one surpasses them all on every level. In addition to the soft functionality of these blankets , there are so many cute designs, I’m addicted. No, seriously, I couldn’t stop buying these for awhile haha.
They do periodic releases of different prints and sometimes they sell out in that same day! They are getting better about the supply and demand though. For example they just released 2 Cuddle Me prints ( the top 2 below) and they’ve been in stock for over a week! That’s way better than the usual occurrence of selling out in 3 minutes, yes, 3 MINUTES!
I use my Cuddle Me everyday when I’m lounging on the couch. My 1 year old sleeps with about 3 every night in her crib. We also have a car Tula that stays in the van so she can cover up during car rides. My 3 year old sleeps with his as well. The only small downfall of these wonderful creations is that they are made out of such delicate woven material, they are somewhat easy to snag. However , I have snagged mine before and I am able to just pull the blanket taught and the snag disappears back into the blanket. I do wash mine in a delicates bag in the washer with mild soap and air dry, just to be extra safe. So whether you need a blanket for a baby, toddler, child or yourself. These are a most try! And if you’re anything like me you may end up with a Tula Blanket stash!
#2 Hello Toothpaste
I love this toothpaste! My kids like that it tastes delicious!! It’s not a “spicy” (as my 3 year old says) strong mint flavor. We have the watermelon and it seriously tastes kind of like candy. But here is the main reasons why I like it:
- It’s fluoride free
- No perioxide, artificial sweeteners, dyes, triclosan, parabens, microbeads, or gluten
- Made in the USA with globally sourced ingredients
- Vegan, Leaping Bunny and PETA Certified
- Never tested on animals
- There’s many flavors to choose from
- It’s not very expensive
Check it out on Amazon here . You can also find it at some stores. A lot of toothpastes have questionable ingredients in them. When kids are just learning to brush their teeth, if they are anything like my kids they squirt too much and sometimes swallow some. Its nerve wracking when they eat a chunk of it if you are using a toothpaste that may have unsafe ingredients. But this toothpaste can give you some peace of mind. The ingredients are all safe and free of chemicals. So let your little ones can have some independence with this yummy toothpaste without worry! I even use this and I love it!!
#3 The SweeTooth Baby Teether
Ok, this thing is amazing! When my daughter was 4 months old my husband and I were shopping and we saw this at a local shop. We both thought it was a little expensive, but I had seen some reviews of it and I wanted to give it a try. The shop owner said they were so popular that they were sold out until the day before we went there. So we went ahead and bought it for $14.99.
Long story short, at almost 15 months it is still our daughters absolute favorite toy. Not just favorite teether, but favorite TOY. She carries it around with her all day long. We will say “Go get your Ice Cream!” and she always knows right where it is. (If she doesn’t already have it in her hand.) We have the pink one and it still smells and looks great!
These teethers are easy for little ones to hold. Their design makes chewing on them pretty effortless. They have different colors and they each color has a different sweet scent! Find it on Amazon here . So happy with this purchase.
#4 Baby Tula Infant Carrier
There are many different baby carriers on the market. I’ve owned quite a few. Right now I have this one and the Ergo 360. This one is my favorite. It’s super duper comfortable and is so easy to get on and off. It’s easy to nurse in and its super cute. The material is soft and comfortable for mommy and baby! The only thing that this carrier doesn’t offer that the Ergo 360 does is a forward facing position. I don’t find that I want to use a forward facing postion very much anyway so I’m fine with that. In our family daddy uses the Ergo 360 and Mommy uses the Baby Tula 🙂
The Tula carrier that I have is the Standard. It requires an infant insert for small babies. They came out with the “Free to Grow.” Right after I bought mine. That one does not need an infant insert and is much more versatile. But I still am really happy with my standard. Another really cool thing about these carriers are that people make accessories for them!! I even tried my hand at it and made some suck pads (you can see them in the pictures above) reach straps and detailed the hood that came with the carrier. You can see them in this picture below 🙂
So cute and fun! This particular carrier pattern is called “Wild Hearts” and is no longer available on their website. But they have so many other amazing prints. Go over to Baby Tula and see for yourself!!
#5 Fridababy NoseFrida The Snotsucker
This is a definite must have if you have a baby at home. Also this good for older kids too! I’ve used it on both! This contraption is so much more effective than the bulb suction. You put the blue end up to the babies nose and you suck gently on the red mouth tip. It sucks the babies snot into the blue tube. The blue tube is easy to clean because it comes apart and it has filters that can be changed at the top. It is safe, hygienic, Phthalate and BPA FREE.
This is such a wonderful product. You can find the Nose Frida with extra filters on Amazon here
I remember struggling to clean the bulb suctions when my oldest was a baby. It was nearly impossible. They would grow mold and keep germs locked inside. I got to the point where I would just throw them away and then buy new ones every time they would get sick again, such a hassle! This company is brilliant , which leads me to my next must have….
#6 Fridababy Windi the Gaspasser
If you’re like me than you don’t really want to give your baby a bunch of medication, even gas drops. Although gas drops are sometimes needed. This product is kind of gross but it works like a charm for a gassy baby, without any medication!
One box includes 10. There is no medication to ingest. It is BPA free and latex free. 100% recyclable and biodegradable. Instant relief for gas and colic. It is a little device that you insert rectally. You rub the babies belly until the device whistles from the gas passing out and then usually poop comes after.
When our youngest was a newborn she had a tongue tie, that at first I did not notice. It caused her to take a lot of air in while she nursed. In turn that made her a fussy gassy baby. I didn’t want to give her gas drops so I decide to try this first with the idea that if it didn’t work I would just buy the gas drops after. So my husband and I tried them right away and low and behold it worked! It relieved her gas and she was happier afterwards.
Make sure you do it on a surface that is cleanable because sometimes it can get a bit messy. I would usually do it on the changing table and have her diaper under her bottom to catch anything that would come out. That was pretty much all I needed.
You can buy it product here
I love that the Windi is a medication free way to help relieve gas, colic and constipation. And it works! 2 thumbs up!
#7 Mustela Hydra Bebe Body Lotion
I am in love with all of their products. I’ve picked the Hydra Bebe lotion to talk about because I use it on my kids every day. Along with the Shea Moisture line I talked about in my previous post.
You can buy this lotion on Amazon here
This is my favorite baby lotion. Here’s why:
- The smell is fantastic
- Its hyperallergenic and clinically tested.
- There is no Parabens, Phthalates or Phenoxyethanol.
- It can be used from birth on.
- It’s been tested under dermatological and pediatric control.
- It is formulated to minimize the risk of allergic reactions.
- It’s non- greasy formula quickly penetrates the skin for long- lasting moisture and protection.
You can not go wrong with this lotion and you will not regret buying it! Check out their other products too!
#8 Alcohol Free Hand Sanitizer
I really like these two that are on the market. I tend to like the Babyganics one a little more because it is a foam and not a spray.
I don’t suggest you use these in place of washing your hands, but there are times when you are changing a diaper and you aren’t by a sink and there’s some icky stuff going down and you need to clean your hands right away. That’s where this comes in handy. I have a shelf by my changing table with ointments and these hand sanitizers. I also keep one in my car and sometimes in my purse.
The first one is the Babyganics Alcholo Free Foaming Hand Sanitizer.
- Its non- allergenic, plant based
- kills 99.9% of germs
- There is no triclosan, parabens, sulfates, phthalates, dyes ore synthetic fragrance
- Pediatrician and Dermatologist tested
- Never tested on animals
You can find it on Amazon here
The other one is from The Honest Company
- It too is plant based
- Dermetologist tested
- with soothing aloe
- Made in the USA
- Kills 99.9% of germs and bacteria
- No sticky residue
- Made WITHOUT parabens, fragrenaces, tricolsan, benzalkonium chloride, phthalates, glycol, polysorbate, disodium EDTA, dyes, formaldehyde & petrochemicals
You can find it at Bed Bath and Beyond here. Also Target has it sometimes. I keep this one in my car. When I go to stores that don’t offer sanitizing wipes , I use this on the cart before I put my baby in. I usually just spray some and rub it in a little with my hand on any surface of the cart my baby will be touching. Especially during flu season you cant be too careful.
When my kids are smaller babies I use a cart cover, but after a year old or so, I tend to quit using it. I’m not sure why, because I definitely still could. Maybe by then I’m sick of the added hassle haha. But it is also a must have once your baby can sit. It can be used to take with you into restaurants and cover the highchairs as well.
Here is the one I have. Its super cute! I love the pattern. I’ve used it for a boy and a girl. 5 years and 3 kids later it still looks brand new after a wash!
Ok, lets get to #9
#9 All Good Goop
This stuff is absolutely amaze balls. The other day I got a scratch and it immediately started itching and swelling and getting super red. It was an allergic reaction. It was super uncomfortable, so I grabbed this stuff and put it on. Within SECONDS it felt better and the swelling and redness went away. That’s not all this stuff is good for either, almost anything you can think of!
- cracked heels
- bites, stings
- chapped lips
- diaper rash
- almost anything that needs soothing!
Not to mention its made with certified organic herbs and olive oil and hand harvested calendula from their farm. Its petroleum free and gluten free.
I can not say enough great things about this product. It really is amazing! And if you don’t believe me you can read the reviews here on Amazon. And while you’re there just buy it! Its incredible!
#10 No-Drama Discipline
This book is #10 but it should be #1 if we were rating this list as most important to least important. If you only buy one parenting book ever , it needs to be this book. This was a game changer for me.
Its really easy to read and understand, they even have some illustrations throughout the book. All the information is not only relavent and true to my life, but its helpful and encouraging. They hit the nail on the head and I could more than relate to this whole book. They give you easy and clear instructions on how to respond and discipline in an effective way. Complete with detailed instructions that give you the tools to transform the way you discipline that REALLY work. Its astounding.
“No – Drama Discipline provides and effective , compassionate road map for dealing with tantrums and misbehavior. It also explains the link between a child’s neurological development and the way the parent reacts to the behavior.”
All too often I find myself just reacting to bad behavior, its really easy to do. Which is why I need to keep this book close by. I re read it all the time when I feel like I’m getting lost in yelling and frustration of trying to discipline on “autopilot”. When I’m on parenting “autopilot” as the book says, I’m not thinking through why my kid screams and cries for a half hour to go to the park after you’ve told them no 20 times. Or why they throw a fit when they want to wear yesterdays socks and aren’t allowed to. Or why they wont go to sleep without their old blanket, not the red one, the blue one with the hole. I’m just trying to get them to stop by any means necessary.
This book points out that there is a better approach, that is easier on both the parents and the kids and far more effective. Before this book I didn’t think much into their behaviors or my reactions to them. But its when we truly understand the brain and more specifically the brain of a child that we understand why they do what they d0. Then it becomes easier to respond in a caring loving way, a way that will TEACH them and not just make them be good at that current moment.
If I’m having an issue with my child, I used to simply REACT to the situation instead of having a clear consistent strategy for responding to misbehavior. One of the many helpful pieces of information in this book that helped me tremendously is this: To quote the book ” What is needed is a clear understanding of what you want to accomplish when your child misbehaves. Before you respond to misbehavior ask yourself :
Why, What , How?
- Why did my child act this way?
- What lesson do I want to teach in this moment?
- How can I best teach this lesson?”
I don’t know about you but its super hard for me to think BEFORE I act a lot of the time. But this book has helped me be able to do that a lot more!! I could write all day about this book and all the wisdom and insight into my kids that I’ve gained from reading it. But you should really just buy the book and see for yourself, you’ll be glad you did.
You can purchase it here on Amazon, which is where I got mine. They also have a workbook and a couple other books that I just ordered. Worth every penny, trust me.
Ok, I’m going to be real with you for a minute. I have 6 kids and usually I only take 1-3 of them with me to the store. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do but its also not the hardest.
When I’m juggling a whiny baby and a 3 year old that is begging for a batman toy that I already said he couldn’t have 3 times, I almost always hear someone say to me, “Oh wow, You’ve got your hands full!!”
I don’t think people are trying to be rude when they say this. Maybe they say it as a way to start conversation or maybe they are just trying to be funny. When I was a new mother, I would just smile and nod when someone would say this to me. But after hearing it over a thousand times now probably, I started to think about it more and I got a little annoyed. To me the implication of this comment is “Wow, you have way more kids than you can handle.”
“You’ve got your hands full.” What do my precious little children think when someone says that? Or when someone says (All of which I have heard before): “You’re brave!”, ” Do you know what causes that?! haha.” ” You poor thing.” “Were they all planned?” “Are they ALL yours!?” I’ve decided I need to start responding to these comments instead of just brushing them off. Not with the purpose to reprimand the stranger, but to respond in a positive way to show the stranger and my kids how important they are to me. They are not a joke. They are not a burden. I love them and I love sharing my life with them and being able to be there for theirs. Its the joy of my life to be their mother.
Just today I was in Walmart with my youngest and we were grabbing some groceries before picking up the other 2 little kids at preschool. I knew she was tired and needed a nap but I had to get my shopping done in this specific time frame in order to avoid going to the grocery store with all 3 kids later. We found some cookies that she really wanted to eat RIGHT THEN. But I put them in the cart and told her we had to wait till we get in the car. Then she started fussing of course. Crying a little , whining, trying to turn around and grab the cookies. Just then an old man said to me out of nowhere “Looks like she’s tired of shopping.” and walked off. She wasn’t tired of shopping she loves going to the store, (I’m in trouble soon I know), she just wanted those cookies RIGHT THEN and she needed a nap.
A stranger doesn’t really know why MY baby is upset. It’s not helpful or encouraging. I don’t walk up to a stranger and say, ” You look tired of shopping.” or “Wow, you have 3 packs of Reeses in your cart.” You don’t do stuff like that, its not polite.
I was at Walmart a few months ago and I kept seeing a mother struggling with her crying, screaming child. She kept calmly talking to him, but he wasn’t responding at all. I felt for her, I have been there, ALOT. I know that when I am in that situation it sure would be nice to hear some encouragement. So as I was leaving my parking space I saw her again, here was my chance to encourage her! I pulled up, rolled my window down and said: “I just want to tell you that you are doing a great job. I know its hard to keep calm when they behave like that. I just wanted to tell you that you are handling it so well. Keep up the good work momma.” She said thank you and I drove away. A little bit of encouragement goes a long, long way. You could make someone’s day by encouraging them!
So Here Are 5 Responses You Can Try When Someone Says “You’ve Got Your Hands Full”
#1. We Are Just Getting Started!
I cant wait to hear the different responses I’ll get to this one. 🙂
#2. Yep, and I enjoy every moment with them
Its true, even in the hard times! I’m so blessed and thankful that God gave me such wonderful kids to parent. What a privilege!
#3. I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way
There’s no denying how grateful I am for my children and this response makes sure they know that.
#4. I Couldn’t Be Happier About It
Sometimes parenting is super hard, but over all its pretty dang awesome.
#5. Want to Lend Me One of Your EMPTY Hands?
That would be the nicest thing someone could do, offer a helping hand to a parent they see struggling. We could all use a helping hand once and awhile!
One day I was at Walmart (Again, ugh! I guess I go there a lot? ha) and I had two 5 gallon water jugs in the cart with the baby and groceries. There was an older gentleman standing by his car waiting for someone. His car was parked right next to mine. I got to the back of my van and opened the gate. As soon as he saw me he came over and said: “Do you need help putting those waters in your car? I’d be happy to put them in there for you.” I told him, Sure! Thank you so much! He said, “God wants us to help each other, you know.” Yes, yes he does. 🙂